A Broken Mess

Last Friday I was late for work.

About a month ago I started working for ESPN.  My job there is to help insert the first down line graphics onto the screen and it is a job I feel very blessed to have.

So as you can probably guess I was mortified to discover I was late for work.

So how did this happen?  Great question, I'm glad you asked.

Those who know me will be quick to speak about how forgetful I can be.  My aunt says it runs in the family, which makes me feel a little bit better.  Regardless, I can be extremely forgetful (See previous blog post "10 Things That Already Went Wrong in 2014.") 

All week I had looked at my schedule with the mindset that I was working Saturday night when in all actuality I was scheduled to work on Friday night.

On Friday night my roommates and I went to all get haircuts.  After my haircut I looked at my phone and realized the gaffe I had made.  I called my boss back and told him I would be there as quickly as I could.

I hopped in my car and took off full speed to Charlotte meanwhile stranding my roommates at the haircut place with no ride back to campus (I think they've forgiven me).

It is important to note that a day earlier I had run out of data on my phone, rendering me incapable of using my GPS.  I had not driven from campus to work without the help of my GPS yet, sending me into an even deeper state of panic.

What if I make a wrong turn? What if I miss my exit?  What if I end up even more late and get fired?

I was behind the wheel lost and without a sense of direction.  I was helpless, upset, confused and full of worry and anxiety.  I was for lack of a better words, a broken mess.

Somehow in the midst of the chaos, God was able to turn this into a teachable moment.  I realized that my life is lived much like a driver; without a good sense of direction.  My life is a broken mess all the time and not just in that moment.

I recently began reading a book called "A Praying Life," by Paul E. Miller.  In the book Miller talks about his daughter Kim, who began walking 2 years behind schedule.

"We didn't critique how messy or late Kim was.  What did we do?  We screamed; we yelled; we jumped up and down.  The family came rushing in to find out what had happened.  Cameras came out, and Kim repeated her triumph. It was awesome." Miller said.

"This isn't just a random observation about how parents respond to little children.  This is the gospel, the welcoming heart of God.  God also cheers when we come to him with our wobbling, unsteady prayers.  Jesus does not say, 'Come to me all you who have learned how to concentrate in prayer, whose minds no longer wander, and I will give you rest.' No, Jesus opens his arms to his needy children and says, 'Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.' (Matthew 11:28).  The criteria for coming to Jesus is weariness.  Come overwhelmed with life.  Come with your wandering mind.  Come messy."

This is the wonderful paradox of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  If we come to Jesus as sinners, if we come messy and broken, he meets us where we are and wraps his arms around us.

One of my favorite examples of this comes from Luke 15: 1-7.

"Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him and the Pharisees and scribes grumbled saying, 'This man receives sinners and eats with them.'  So he told them this parable.  'What man of you, hang a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it.  And when he has found it he lays it on his shoulders rejoicing.  And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors saying to them, Rejoice with me for I have found my sheep that was lost.'  Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."

In this story I see myself as the sheep in both the figurative and literal sense.  Sometimes I feel shame and embarrassment when I realize how much of a mess I am, but I am reminded here that God loves me in my messiness.  And because I know this fact it allows me to rest in Jesus.

To provide some closure to this story I did make it to work and I still have my job.  One of my friends was kind enough to text me some directions to help guide me to work (thanks Ashley) and by the grace of God I made it before the game I was scheduled to work began.  My roommates were also able to find a ride back to campus (thanks Abby).  It was nothing short of a miracle.

So if you are forgetful like me, or you feel like you are a mess right now, turn to Jesus, he loves you in spite of your mess.

Luke 7:47 "Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven--for she loved much.  But he who is forgiven little loves little."